Thursday, March 25, 2010

Personal Development for Smart People: Relationships

This article is part of my series on Personal Development for Smart People. If you are new here I recommend you to first read my introduction to the book.

This post contains my notes on the chapter about relationships.


  • intro
    • relationships are a huge source of learning and growth
    • there are lots of different types of relationships
  • & truth
    • assessment
      • how do you feel about your current relationships ?
      • what do you contribute to the people closest to you
      • observe the breadth and depth of your current relationships
    • prediction
      • where do you see your current relationships heading ?
      • which one are growing closer or drifting ?
      • make reasonable guesses, honest expectations
    • pay attention to your feelings
    • accept the truth, don't deny it
    • all human relationships are guaranteed to be temporary
    • don't take other people for granted
  • & love
    • building and expanding relationships by connection with people and allow others to connect with you
    • most basic way of connecting is through communication
    • three communication channels truth (facts, info), love (empathy, compassion, affection) and power (action)
    • what is/are your dominant communication channel(s)
    • in order to connect we need a base level of compatibility
    • use your dominant connection strategy to regain closeness with your partner
    • use your differences to intentionally help each other
  • & power
    • best relationships server to increase your power
    • conscious relationship requires effort and commitement on both sides
    • your relationships have a tremendous effect on your self-development
    • use your power to break disempowering relationships
    • improve your alignment with truth, love and power to attract high caliber partners
  • & oneness
    • we are all individual cells in the same body
    • assume a preexisting connection, just have to tune in to it
    • be prepared for fascinating social experiences as your alignment with oneness increases
    • focus on the opportunities to connect
    • rejection is a sign of incompatibility, so it's not a bad outcome
    • be open to receive advances from others
    • if your primary relationship prevents your from connecting with others, you have cage not a conscious partnership
  • & authority
    • you're in charge of your own destiny
    • to improve your relationship skills enlist the help of a mentor
    • identify someone you know who seems to have an easy time connecting with people and ask advice
    • interpersonal skills must be developed through action
    • put your ideas into practice
  • & courage
    • courage to initiate new connections
    • courage to intimately connect with people
    • courage to face the truth about relationships that have gone wrong
    • courage to end those relationships that no longer serve you
    • take the initiative to bring new relationships into your life
    • when discussing problems speak from the first-person (I think, feel, believe,...) and speak your truth (don't hold back)
    • when you end a relationship, be direct, honest, compassionate and strong
  • & intelligence
    • build authentic relationships with other people
    • they won't turn out perfectly but that's not necessary
    • to attract new people focus yourself on your own self-expression

The last post in this series is about Spirituality.

All posts:

No comments:

Post a Comment