This article is part of my series on Personal Development for Smart People. If you are new here I recommend you to first read my introduction to the book.
This post contains my notes on the chapter about relationships.
Relationships
- intro
- relationships are a huge source of learning and growth
- there are lots of different types of relationships
- & truth
- assessment
- how do you feel about your current relationships ?
- what do you contribute to the people closest to you
- observe the breadth and depth of your current relationships
- prediction
- where do you see your current relationships heading ?
- which one are growing closer or drifting ?
- make reasonable guesses, honest expectations
- pay attention to your feelings
- accept the truth, don't deny it
- all human relationships are guaranteed to be temporary
- don't take other people for granted
- assessment
- & love
- building and expanding relationships by connection with people and allow others to connect with you
- most basic way of connecting is through communication
- three communication channels truth (facts, info), love (empathy, compassion, affection) and power (action)
- what is/are your dominant communication channel(s)
- in order to connect we need a base level of compatibility
- use your dominant connection strategy to regain closeness with your partner
- use your differences to intentionally help each other
- & power
- best relationships server to increase your power
- conscious relationship requires effort and commitement on both sides
- your relationships have a tremendous effect on your self-development
- use your power to break disempowering relationships
- improve your alignment with truth, love and power to attract high caliber partners
- & oneness
- we are all individual cells in the same body
- assume a preexisting connection, just have to tune in to it
- be prepared for fascinating social experiences as your alignment with oneness increases
- focus on the opportunities to connect
- rejection is a sign of incompatibility, so it's not a bad outcome
- be open to receive advances from others
- if your primary relationship prevents your from connecting with others, you have cage not a conscious partnership
- & authority
- you're in charge of your own destiny
- to improve your relationship skills enlist the help of a mentor
- identify someone you know who seems to have an easy time connecting with people and ask advice
- interpersonal skills must be developed through action
- put your ideas into practice
- & courage
- courage to initiate new connections
- courage to intimately connect with people
- courage to face the truth about relationships that have gone wrong
- courage to end those relationships that no longer serve you
- take the initiative to bring new relationships into your life
- when discussing problems speak from the first-person (I think, feel, believe,...) and speak your truth (don't hold back)
- when you end a relationship, be direct, honest, compassionate and strong
- & intelligence
- build authentic relationships with other people
- they won't turn out perfectly but that's not necessary
- to attract new people focus yourself on your own self-expression
The last post in this series is about Spirituality.
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